Praying for someone who hurt you, without faking it

The person you cannot pray for nicely

You know who they are. Maybe it is a parent, an ex, a boss, a sibling, someone who said something or did something and it is still sitting in your chest like a stone. Someone told you to pray for them. You tried. It came out through your teeth, something like "bless them, Lord" said in a voice that did not sound like a blessing at all. That is not failure. That is just what it is actually like to pray for someone who hurt you.

This is not a piece about forcing warmth you do not feel. It is about what you can honestly ask for, what to leave alone, and what to do with the anger that is still there whether you pray about it or not.

What to actually ask for

You do not have to ask God to make you feel fond of this person before you are allowed to pray for them. Start smaller. You can ask for their good without pretending the hurt did not happen. You can ask that they be shown where they are wrong, that they stop doing what they are doing, that whatever is broken in them that makes them act this way gets dealt with, by someone, somehow. You can ask for your own protection, your own clear-headedness, your own ability to get through the next conversation without losing yourself.

Jesus did not tell his listeners to pray for their enemies because their enemies deserved it. He told them to do it anyway.

But I say unto you that hear, Love your enemies, do good to them that hate you, bless them that curse you, pray for them that despitefully use you. To him that smiteth thee on the [one] cheek offer also the other; and from him that taketh away thy cloak withhold not thy coat also. Give to every one that asketh thee; and of him that taketh away thy goods ask them not again. And as ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise.

Luke 6:27-31

This was said to people under occupation, people who had real enemies with real power over them, not people arguing over something small. It was not a suggestion to like your enemies or trust them again. It was a instruction about where your prayer and your action would come from, not a verdict on whether what was done to you mattered.

What to leave out

There are things you should not ask for on someone else's behalf, even someone who has hurt you.