A Prayer to Say When You Know You Wronged Someone

We know what you searched for, and we know why. Something happened, or something you said, and the person's face is in your mind right now, not a category of person, not "someone I hurt" in the abstract, but them. Maybe you have already tried to apologise and it went badly. Maybe you have not said anything yet and do not know how to start. Either way, this prayer is meant to be prayed with their actual name in your mouth, not a vague ache in your chest.

Say what happened, not what it was like

It is easier to pray "forgive me for the ways I have failed" than to pray "forgive me for what I said to David on Tuesday." The first sentence keeps you safe. It lets you feel sorry without being specific. The second one costs something, because it names a person and a day and a thing that cannot be undone by wishing.

Before you read any further, try naming it in your head. Not the feeling around it, the thing itself. What did you do. Who was it to. That is the confession starting, even before you say a word to God.

A story that confesses out loud

There is an old story about a son who took his share of his father's estate early, spent it on nothing that lasted, and ended up feeding pigs for a stranger while he starved. On the way home he rehearsed exactly what he would say, and it was not vague.

He said, “A certain man had two sons. The younger of them said to his father, ‘Father, give me my share of your property.’ So he divided his livelihood between them. Not many days after, the younger son gathered all of this together and travelled into a far country. There he wasted his property with riotous living. When he had spent all of it, there arose a severe famine in that country, and he began to be in need. He went and joined himself to one of the citizens of that country, and he sent him into his fields to feed pigs. He wanted to fill his belly with the pods that the pigs ate, but no one gave him any. But when he came to himself, he said, ‘How many hired servants of my father’s have bread enough to spare, and I’m dying with hunger! I will get up and go to my father, and will tell him, “Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I am no more worthy to be called your son. Make me as one of your hired servants.”’ “He arose and came to his father. But while he was still far off, his father saw him and was moved with compassion, and ran, fell on his neck, and kissed him. The son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against heaven and in your sight. I am no longer worthy to be called your son.’ “But the father said to his servants, ‘Bring out the best robe and put it on him. Put a ring on his hand and sandals on his feet. Bring the fattened calf, kill it, and let’s eat and celebrate; for this, my son, was dead and is alive again. He was lost and is found.’ Then they began to celebrate. Luke 15:11–24